Published in Beat Magazine, March 21, 2007

The Playstation 3 is officially released this week. Dedicated couch potatoes will be surging towards the electronics stores, determined to seize a device that, apparently, has more functions than some of my friends, and costs more than my car. Even though the only practical way for me to afford one of these megatoys is if they make a version I can live in, I’ve kept a bit of an eye on the hype… the advertising slogan got my attention.

“Playstation 3 – This is living.”

Really?

The entire point of a Playstation is that it offers an escape from the day-to-day. Unless the standard routine of one of the creators involves running around a maze with a large gun, being attacked by creatures that are trying very hard to redefine “hideous”, there is no “living” involved with the PS3. Otherwise, we’d have games about queuing at the bank. “Coming soon – BillPayer 2007. This time, it’s financial!” Whereas its predecessor offered the scare-based adrenalin surge of Alone in the Dark, a “living” PS3 would be limited to the mind-numbing horror of Your Average Family Christmas. See if you can avoid another pointless conversation with your butterfly-collecting Uncle Gerald, while simultaneously keeping Nanna away from the cooking sherry. It is tough to get people to shell out a hundred or so of their hard-earned so that they can do what they do anyway, but on a TV - hang on a minute, I think I just described Big Brother in that last sentence. I think you know what I’m getting at, however… nowhere in the spy adventure Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Double Agent will you be given the option “press X to put the bins out.”

We are used to advertising screwing up slogans now and again – even if you are willing to accept an internet company called Dodo (going into an industry that is constantly changing with a name that proclaims Dead Bird is an interesting call), anyone with the appropriate speck of natural history knowledge can tell you where the “internet that flies” slogan falls down (that speck relating to the main reasons why the Dodo was so easily hunted out of existence: its large size, slow speed, and inability to fly). The thing is, this is the only time I can recall where the soundbite attached to a product actually works completely against what the item is supposed to do. If “keep walking” gets tiresome to the makers of a certain scotch, why not have them follow the same trend? “Johnny Walker – this is sobriety”.

I know there’s at least one nerd out there ready to refute my premise by saying “hey, what about The Sims?” in an offended tone. Yes, The Sims has elements of a bog standard suburban life, but is based on someone playing God, seeing into every aspect of the lives of the game’s denizens and manipulating their conditions accordingly. If this is indeed an element of your daily existence, then a deity of your power should have better things to do than refute my column. If modifying people’s circumstances on a grand scale is a little out of your reach, but you’re used to seeing every detail of an entire town’s life, then I’m sure the police would like a quick word with you about your surveillance equipment.

At least Sony have made a simple and relevant name for the device. Someone at Nintendo needs their medication levels adjusted. Wii? Seriously? A game console with an entirely different style of control, and some genuinely innovative aspects, could have been named after something more appropriate than the noise that this little piggy made as he ran home. I suppose if porcine quotes are the go, the shareholders can be glad that the marketing department aren’t trying to sell us the Nintendo Hair-Of-My-Chinny-Chin-Chin.

Reality in advertising is clearly a pipedream, but indulge me for a moment longer, won’t you? “Playstation 3 – this is moving your thumbs. Living will be waiting for you once you’re done.”

And the bins will still need putting out.