Published in Beat Magazine, September 8, 2004

It is fascinating to watch to portrayal of homosexuals in the media. In the ever-broadening category of reality television, two shows offer a very stark contrast.

Firstly, we have Queer Eye For The Straight Guy – five fun, sociable, knowledgeable gay men act as a collective fairy godfather (it’s an obvious image, but it fits so very well), transforming some poor hetero slob into the Beau of the Ball, then watching as he entertains either a person or group close to him. Clothes, décor, food – everything about that week’s victim is blitzed except his backyard, and then people in his life get to bask in the results. Quite often it is the guy’s partner who has brought in the Style Squad, and she gets lavished over as a result, while the five conjurers kick back and watch their Cindereddie on their crystal flatscreen. The adaptation lasts beyond midnight, although I suspect that the process of reslobification occurs; just more gradually than over twelve chimes of a clock. Nonetheless, the Queer Beholders are presented as facilitators of style and romance, helping the hopeless straight guy with their unique perspective on what can make a guy desirable, both as observer and observed.

And then we have the latest Reality Romance offering – Playing It Straight. Here, attractive young Rebecca, who has apparently turned to television producers to find her mate, has twelve to choose from. If, after gradually eliminating the competitors, she selects a fellow heterosexual, she and her made-by-television love will split $200,000 between them. If, however, she selects one of the six Hidden Homos, then he swans off with the full 200 large, and she departs with a broken heart. She finds out each contender’s sexuality only after he has been sent packing, and not even the viewer is let in on who is who – they could be anyone!

If there was ever a format to paint anyone gay as the villain, this is it. After all, as with every show that has come since The Bachelor, the straight guys are there for the experience and perhaps, fingers crossed, some romance – they are Not In It For The Money. Makes you wonder why they keep offering masses of cash in the prize, doesn’t it? However, while their intentions are pure and straight (pardon the pun) and true, the same obviously is not true of the Hidden Homos. They can only be in it for the currency, and spoiling a potential romance for such a mercenary reason is surely not forgivable. The language of the host certainly didn’t help – it wasn’t about Rebecca “choosing” someone, it was about her “falling for” someone. The host wants everyone to know that True Love is at stake here, and one of these damned poofs might get in the way!

The show has a Western setting, the creatively named “Sizzling Saddles” ranch – I’m sure I saw a porno with that name – and the Stetson hats sported by each suitor (or potential sashaying saboteur) conjure two contrary images. One, that most masculine of cinema genres second only to the war movie. Two, a certain chaps-wearing member of the Village People. Plus, with the guys sharing rooms in twos, and each guy not knowing the persuasion of his roommate (or any other participant), the potential is there for little subplots, looking either like Bonanza or a rural Queer As Folk. And there is our damsel, surveying the cowboys and trying to guess which of them ride sidesaddle. When Rebecca was told of the show’s twist, she was upset – suddenly, there was an element of deception. Well, anyone who pauses for half a second might realise that a show with a cash prize just might perhaps maybe possibly attract contestants eyeing off an improved bank balance rather than someone to fill a bridal gown, but in this case the deception was written into the format; and in this show that deception has a pink tinge. Perhaps, if the final episode results in the direct one-on-one, straight-versus-gay challenge that the producers are anticipating, then the queer villain will get to tie Rebecca to nearby train tracks with a particularly stylish fabric, to be rescued by her Great Hetero Hero.

We live in an Australia of the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, and of politicians who feel the need to barricade marriage against same sex partnerships. Perhaps the reflection of these contradictions on our screens shows there might be some reality in Reality TV after all.